life is just a matter of patience...

drops
Originally uploaded by DJane88

sometimes, everything denies you, form A to Z., from 1 to infinity. Life is just like that. You won't get what you want. Not always like that particularly. It just the probability of "getting what you want" to "not getting what you want" is only 5% in your entire life. But, still we need to be thankful. But for how long I am going to be thankful after one by one just hack to get let lost from me???!

"Eh eh...jam aku hilang laaa!!!"

konflik hati
"Takpe, ko maseh ade lagi laptop, masih tak hilang lagi"

For how long is this going to be happened towards my life? D hate this laa. Just like the tree and the leaves in the picture with shimmering droplets. Fate, is it can be changed? Is it?

If I am the total dominator of my own life, then the answer would be yes. Nevertheless, there are other peoples around you that KEEP controlling you and you just damn hell can sit there and wait for your fate "+ve" or "-ve". Peoples can change your life really. But still the One who arranged this is Allah. Please forgive me, Im not blaming Him.

Okays. Lets get it clean, clear and crystal as water. Well I am totally whacked out and annoyed with my Chemistry lecturer. And to those of my friends out there, what i want to expressed , confess or whatever it is, it is for your own good, oh maybe for your next generation children. To become a doctor, JUST DONT SENT OUR SON OR DAUGHTER OR CHILDREN TO RUSSIA!!!!!!

IM BEGGING PLEASE!!!1

Just go and study in Malaysia. There. Yes there. At the place where you are stepping right now. Malaysia is a whole lot more better than Russia. Please take my words. The future is more valuable than your money. UNLESS if your want your children to study and WORK at this place.

Yes, there are snows, great-oh-my-God-wah-wah flowers and those four seasens and not-to-forget-minus-degres climate. Then, just go to UK, not Russia pleasee. Take the english medium country.

Okay, what made me voice my *%&^ fire?? Well, please let me. Today i'got 3 out of 5 marks. Well okay then. Standard laa kan kalau dapat 3?

Aku TAK.

Lepas kelas Chemist aku finish, kertas aku last sekali kena marking, and aku dapat markah ehem2 macam tadi. Sakit hati. Memang tak payah cakap la. Member-member GUYS laen pon dapat cam tuhh gak. Pempuan, ramai je kot dapat markah tinggi. Stock 5, 4, 5- 4+. Most of pempuan cam tu laa. Aku tengok jawapan derang pendek-pendek je, well as if compared with me. SEbelum aku dapat markah, most of jawapan aku dia pangkah, SALAH, SALAH DAN SALAHHHHH...SMUA NAK SALAH...APSAL??

contoh pertama, dia tak paham istilah yang die sendiri claimed diri sendiri cipta buku tuh contohnya term "electron cloud" and well common word "propulsion". Dia tak paham pastu salahkan aku tulis ayat salah. PADAHAL AKU AMEK AYAT TUH DALAM BUKU. And ade gak definition, aku amek sebijik dalam buku, bulat-bulat aku ingat, dia cakap TU PON SALAAHHHH??????? NAK AKU TUNJUK KEEEE?????? KO CAKAP KO BUATR BUKU TAKKAN ISTILAH SENDIRI PON KO TAPAHAMMMM AAHHHH????

Norma laa kan. Die ponn kan asal dari Russia and memang laa bukan berlidah english. Abeh tu apsal ngaku nak amek budak-budak bermedium english hah??? Same je cikgu anatomi, bio, and semua la. Tanya tapaham, pastu terang pasal menda laen. Aku tak salahkan derang, but orang yang beriya-iya cakap sini cam okey la jugak nak belajar. belajar apekejadahnyaaa kalo aku payah nak belajar nak cari ilmu pon payah ahhhh???. Aku nak amek geologi balik kalo boleyh. Harap-harap ada jin aladdin tengah stalk blog aku.
Kadang-kadang rasa macam bodoh penat study siang malam bawa buku baca sambil jalan dari kelas ke asrama kat mrsm langkawi dulu dapat 10A1 dalam SPM kena hantar ke tempat macam ni. Aku nak keadilan dalam usaha aku.

Okay, senior aku kat sini memang dah cakap dah lecturer kat sini memang "sexist". satu istilah dimana manusia-manusia ni memilih jantina. Aku rasa itu betul. Aku cakap bukan berpaksi keadilan pada kau seorang, pada geng sekelas aku jugak, yang lelaki la. Ya Allah camna aku nak hadapi hidup kat sini. Adakah aku belum adapt ngan sistem pembelajaran kat sini? Mungkin.

Okay sebagai nak meredakan rasa kecewa aku yang mencurah terhadap Chemistry ni, dia cakap

"It's okay. You score 4 to 5 for your oral test"
"But for your test...(buat muka)"

"Sejak bila die tau nama aku nak record markah oral aku, name aku pon die tak tau" (dalam hati)

Dia tunjuk markah dalam jurnal markah setiap kelas.
Aku just nampak 3 4 3 4 3 4. Tadi dia cakap aku dapat markah 5 dalam penerangan pasal chemical kinetics. Sekarang apa dah jadi?
Aku nampak markah budak perempuan. Tinggi. stok 4 5 4 5 4 5.

Baru aku paham DUDUK TAPAYAH TERANG APA-APA BOLEYH DAPAT 4 or 5? Tak tau nama pastu tau jantina. Bagi markah tinggi kat jantina Female ni. Inilah sexist. Please dont get me wrong. Kalau korang diletakkan situasi kat aku plus ape senior cakap memang betul-betul jadi depan mata korang, korang akan rasa sendiri. Even bagi orang yang satu U ngan aku yang sedang baca blog aku nih pon. Paham situasi aku. Aku tak salahkan korang, just the system. Tolong laa, jangan nak tipu aku.

So sejurus dengan ini yang selaras juga confession Vilzan dalam blog dia yang menyatakan penyesalan pilih medik, but aku penyesalan pilih medik di RUSSIA. Medik kat lain tak mengapa. Harapnya la. Sangat banyak disadvantage. But btw, bagi yang nak menghantar anak perempuannya ke sini, dipersilakanlah, memang konfem score, jangan risau. Tapikan, ada juga senior aku cakap, it just for the first year i will be facing the terrible period of black age kat sini. Katanya laa start third year semua lecturer agak okay dan adil, sikit je yang sexist. Harapnya macam tu, and i'll look forward for something like that. masuk balik pasal confession, actually aku nak jadi nautical engineering, pada mulanya. Disebabkan tiada tawaran di overseas and selaras ngan tawatan gedebak2 daripada PETRONAS pasal bidang petroleum so aku dengan penuh jiwa dan raga aku nak jadi geologist. Mak ngan abah aku tapenah memaksa aku, and sentiasa support aku dalam nak amek apa-apa. But bila peluang MARA ni sampai aku terpaksa juga tukar cita-cita aku sebab satu-satunya peluang yang aku ada untuk apply mengunakan result trial aku yang sebatang kara 9A and 1B and the B is Chemistry. Chemistry menjadi penghalang aku (sekali lagi) untuk jadi geologist or maybe chemical engineer (coz both professions mostly alike) sebab cam requrement utama is chemistry and quite well in biology, but kurang berminat sedikit mengenai biologi berbanding degan menggunakan imaginasi aku untuk mencipta sesuatu and aku sangat berminat dalam mencipta sesuatu and i'd joined a lot of competitions during the school's time and mostly in INVENTING. My path and instict is in enginnering. Well, until now but, decreasing as I'm watching the House (medical series). Hopefully, MEDIC will be my love and heart.

But, I know, I am a slow picker, always slow in understanding something, if find something all by myself, i will remember it forever. Forever. Some people were borned as a genius, fast picker, but me, just a normal people, and try to be in higher level knowing me just can rise a BIT from the normal.

So, it is life that controls us, no matter how strong you are, how powerful you are as a prime minister, famous footballer like Christiano Ronaldo. And of course, Allah is the main controller.

Life is just a matter of patience.

Wassalam and sorry for this very long post. Just a piece of a broken rampaged heart and mind and a fragile branch of soul.