hah, baca jugak. english medium okayh? jangan tanya kenapa tetiba aku nak pakai english. heh.
yup, i am the man who lives in the past. everything that happened to me, after all the said and done, i'm still living in it. i don't know why. or maybe i just knew it, but pretending that i didn't knew it. actually, after studying, everyday i keep reminiscing myself. about the past. something is bothering me in mind. something that i should settle a long long time ago. but, until now, it keep going on. until now, while i'm writing this, it keep flashing like a thousands pictures of memory. flashing, fading, and flashing.
just now, i opened my computer. i watched all the videos that i had. the memories, especially in INTEC, supposedly be such sweets memories. but, i judging myself up now, is it that 'sweet'? see, i hate myself for causing all these problems. anddd, there one video that bothering me. yeah, i laughed in that video. haha. seemed like happy. yeah, right i am happy. look at me now...am i suppose to be happy? am i? it took a while for me to think, to make up my mind saying that "oohhh, that is very happy moment!!!". hell, no. i repeated that video. watched over and over again. i know it is actually pain. a pain that could be easily cured. but, i didn't have any power, any right of re-correcting that thing. i am the cause. if it wasn't me, they should've be happy right now. like "aaawwww, there are so pinang dibelah dua, empat pon boleh". or "awwwww, they are so so like cell dimitosis dua...awwww". it was pain and it is pain. if i could change things around here, i'm up to it.
if something happens to me, you are one of the person that i should ask for forgiveness. i really like to, but, i can't. i'm hoping for the right time, but, there is no use. a past is a past. i'm blaming myself for this. i didn't mean to do this. and now, 1:39 am, i haven't finish studying physics. it's bothering. coz' it was all happened because of me. why it must be me? and now i try to correct things up. this is one of the solution. i hope it might work. maybe not in 2 or 3 months, but 3 or 4 years. i have no right on you, please, please, please, i want thing back to normal. so that i can be happy.
please eh?
-budak bosan study fizik tengah malam-
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